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Merry Christmas from shoe string - Caption competition


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With all reference to someone called Mel on the internet:

 

What, no smut related witty title? No references to sucking and balls, hmmmm I must be ill. Well, not ill, just god damn pissed off, am I allowed to say that? No, ah well too late it's there.

 

No my friends, today the Chicken is displeased, in fact I am naffed as naffed can be, so what better when you are naffed than to eat bucketloads of chocolate. And not only that, what better reward than to write about it and earn enough to buy another packet of 'Geezers', wahay.

So I had better get on with it, my packet is dwindling and I haven't even discussed the merits of sucking more than one at a time yet!

 

OK, first let me explain the title, I can't. I have no idea where that came from, where I live we have always referred to our Maltesers as 'SmallGeezers', go into any sweetshop in Essex and they will know what you mean. Actually, no don't do that, just in case you get the guy who only moved from Bradford last week and thinks you are taking the piddle out of his height!

My little red Geezers packet is now staring at me from across the room. I have placed it over there in the hope that I can concentrate on this opinion, though it is doubtful, so before it starts calling to me I will quickly list the ingredients;

 

Milk Chocolate (Doh!)

Glucose Syrup

Malt extract

Skimmed milk powder

Wheat

Flour

Sugar (lots of it)

Hydrogynated Vegetable fat (from overweight veg?)

Gelling agent (Not Vo5 hair gel)

Whey Powder (which whey??)

Raising agent (Does he get you a raise then?)

Salt

Emulsifiers (E442, Soya Lecithin)

and Flavoring.

Phew!! Now just look at that list of crap, so you know they can't be good for you, and of course they are fattening but as with all things in life a little of what you fancy does you good.

 

So you now want to know just what a malteser looks and tastes like right? What are you an alien? OK, for all little green men out there here goes...

Maltesers are little round honeycomb balls coated in lucious Mars Milk chocolate. Apart from Galaxy, Mars has got to be my most favourite chocolate, especially those Mars easter eggs, YUM!

 

As you may have guessed by all the yum noises they taste scrummy, you also (if you know me well), would have guessed I like them as I always seem to have a packet around somewhere. Empty usually, but around!

5 Interesting ways to eat your 'Geezers'

 

1. Bite all the chocolate from the outside slowly until left with the honeycomb, then suck honeycomb until it has all melted.

2. Bite in half and stick tongue to honeycomb center until it either melts or drops to the floor.

 

3. Place in bellybutton (or other orafice) of desired person and suck. Make sure bellybutton is clean and defluffed :o)

4. Throw into the air and catch in mouth, needs practise.

 

5. Shove entire contents of packet into gob and let melt slowly, or choke!!

Ok, that's all folks, I have devoured my packet now and am off down the shops to buy another.

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people dispurse from the square and the cleaners remove the tents and rubbish, the army now stand-down and return to their barracks - The shoe repair forum still has a dictator in charge and his royal ontourage but a happy peace is once again in being

President Lee managed another bribe and political manouvre before the minions took firm control of his car and rigged it with a remote control - and not one political prisoner was imprisoned or killed in this very public uprising.

Mick is able to remove his tin helmet and take the dog for a brief walk looking around for any assasins especially as he signed his will yesterday leaving all to his new wife...........Maybe a reinforced table could be a good investment, and still only February..................... :-#

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