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elfman

some mother do ave em

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customer can you stretch this strap on these shoes for me

me no not possible

customer why

me because the strap is elastic

customer that means you should be able to stretch it then

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got these ugg boots wore them in the snow last year and they have gone whitecan the be cleaned

yes they can but if you wear them in the snow and rain without some form of spray protecter on them it will happen again

why they are snow boots so it should not happen

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Customer a couple of years ago :

`I had this key cut an hour ago - can I have my money back ,it does`nt work ?`

 

Me :

`Does it go in the lock ?`

 

Customer :

`I dont know I have`nt tried it yet`

 

Me :

`So how do you know it does`nt work ?`

 

Customer :

`I`ve just got a feeling it won`t - I`d rather my money back !`

 

(and before you say it - YES I was the only one cutting keys at the time - so she did`nt see anyone cheaper...)

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Customer : are you the man I normally see in here on a Thursday ?

 

Me : no , it's my half day - you usually see Kyle on Thursday afternoons....

 

Customer : are you sure ?...

 

Me : yes ..... Also I'm short,50 and have a totally shaved head - Kyle is 20,6 foot 3 and has long ginger hair !

 

Doh !

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i had one today "are you the man that does the shoe repairs" :roll: I think my shop signs a bit of a give away myself!

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I'm getting a little sick of the customer with an annual trophy saying, " It's that time of year again!!" ](*,)

 

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR ALL YEAR FOR ME!! ](*,) ](*,)

I DON'T WAIT AROUND FOR A YEAR JUST FOR YOUR TROPHY!! ](*,) ](*,)

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do i get peeved when they walk in and say

"don't know if you can help me"

you just know its gonna be total crap , they will want it free

 

And why is it you can stand around doing nothing for 20 minutes but as soon as the phone rings someone bloody walks in every single time and like wise as soon as you make a call some one walks in and so you put the phone down just for them to say " can you tll me where the libary is and the bit that psses me off is they have just walked past 50 odd people on market day to walk in my shop when i,m on the phone to ask a stupid question.

unbeleivable aren't they

 

 

#

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Having cut a Silca SM1...

 

"That'll be £5 please."

 

"£5!!!???, The guy in the hardware shop down the high street does them for £3, it's just he doesn't keep that particular one"

 

"Oh right, so he doesn't do them for £5 if he doesn't have any"

 

"Yeah, his keys are £3 but he doesn't keep that particular one"

 

"But he doesn't have any, so he's no good to you"

 

"Yeah but his keys are £3..."

 

Hmmmmm we could be here some time.

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the joys of dealing with the public , my best so far is still the guy who wanted me to pay for a new tyre for his ford , apparantly after having the new key cut and programmed his front off side tyre goes flat over night , it was fine before he had the new key ](*,)

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the great british public .

 

in fairness we are not helped by the major recovery firms , they claim every non start is a transponder issue or down to key , 99% of time they are wrong , but you cant tell the customer this because the famous brand recovery technician said so.

 

common for this is vivaro vans , trafic vans and primastars , ive been to so many of these where recovery have told them 100% its the key , i explain to them that it wont be key , they almost always dont listen and are adament , so i state it wont be the key and once programmed the new keys theirs and van still wont start , i take payment up front .

when done and van now has 2 keys but is still a non start , i then read faults and change the crank shaft sensor mostly or the cam shaft sensor occasionally which is always the fault with the van , had a few with egr valve issues and also with fuel cut out switch bumped on , not one has been down to a key .

 

i try to tell them what the fault is up front , but when they wont have it as the nice recovery man knows its key , i then do as instructed and charge for a new key , when still a non start i replace the faulty sensor and charge again for this

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This is from this morning :

 

Customer : (gives me a 6 pin Yale ) 'can I have 6 of these please ?'

 

Me : 'no probs' (cuts 6 keys)

 

Customer : ta ! 'Can I have Mickey Mouse on 3 and Liverpool on the other 3 ?' Ta !

 

Me : 'ummmm ..... You could have if you'd told me first ...'

 

Customer 'why ?'

 

Me : 'sorry umm - do you think I sit out the back and paint it on afterwards ?'

 

Customer : 'well .....don't you ?'

 

...............gob smacked ......

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the sell-up should have been the first question asked after he told you he wanted keys then the misunderstanding wouldnt have taken place

 

so how can i help you?

id like 6 keys cut

thats fine would you like some fancy keys

oh yes please 3 liv......

jobs a good un

carry on!

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